I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
