You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
