So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
