I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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