Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
