You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's always time for handjobs
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
not ubering you a puppy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
