Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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