I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
