Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
