You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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