Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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