just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
