Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
