OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your penis caused this!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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