I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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