I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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