i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
