I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
