dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
