i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
