Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
