I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
