So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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