dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
