Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
