Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
