I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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