Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
