Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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