My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
