I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
