My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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