Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
