so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
