so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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