Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
