So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
