Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
