I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
