can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
