watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
