I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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