I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
