I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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