I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
