oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
