if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
