hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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