At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
