I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
