i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
