um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
