The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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