At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
